It’s an interesting time for me. I’m taking a break. I’m on a reprieve. I’m making decisions + not making decisions at the same time. I think it’s the right thing to do, right now. I really only have one thing on my mind lately, and it’s not business. It’s love. Yep, love. Not that I have a person right now, beside me anyway, but in thought, and he fucking knows it no matter what he’s trying to prove. He started it, for goodness goodness. And I’m sure there are others who know it too, not that I can ask or even say his name out loud, but maybe one day I’ll try. (Doesn’t he just want me to wait?) Sigh.Besides that, my kitty was sick for a while and weighed under four pounds. He was withering away in front of me, but he’s got his medicine and is surely gaining his weight + his groovy groove back. I love him. Here goes.
A Sentimental Dedication to Thankfulness
I’m thankful for…
My kitty gaining weight + health + playfulness. My kitty sleeping on my bed right now. A job that pays for B School. This new game called Mind Meld. #DesireMap. Tea + scones. The cute guy who gives me tea + scones in the morning. Hey baby I wrote you a love letter. His love letters I haven’t read yet. Fart jokes. New friends. Old friends. Friends with benefits. Sleepiness. Seeing him in everyone. Everyone seeing him in me. Being Charlie Cheeks. Taking pretty pictures. Free samples so that I don’t have to commit to a $48 foundation I haven’t tried yet. This Beyoncé video. Pablo Neruda. Rihanna. Just hold on we’re going home. Coming home. Coming. My butt. Him liking my butt. Him liking my butt teaching me to like my butt. That the 99 B-Line bus is rarely monitored so I don’t always have to pay my transit fare, though I do when I can. That I pay my transit fare when I can so I have a collection of old tickets to sift through in case I get caught. The fact that I have an innocent face + can get away with it. The fact that he’s still going to pretend he doesn’t know me even after reading this post just so that he can plan a surprise. Me actually being sad so that I can play along for as long as it takes. Hoping that maybe he’ll ditch the surprise and cuddle me tonight. Eventually being okay with whatever happens next. Rain. I fucking love rain. Writing again. Writing for him again. Animated gifs that get the point across. A couple pretty polaroid pictures I took once. Thinking it’s possible to be friends with celebrities one day. Thinking it’s possible to be famous one day. That my mom thinks it’s probable I’ll be famous one day. That it’s probable he’s crying right now. Happy crying. No wait, he’s got something in his eye, both eyes. No, just cutting onions. Inside jokes. That he’s, PS, not gay. Yin yoga. These old poems. Realizing that after our first kiss, first hug, first cuddle it’s anytime for the rest of our lives. When eventually he’ll sing to me. That he’s perfect. That he thinks I’m perfect. That we’re perfect together. That I miss him so much it hurts but I still get to meet him for the first time in a long time. That my heart breaks sometimes when I think about him. That other times it bursts. That it bursts not only in my heart but everywhere else. That he feels the same way. That I know so because he said so. That because he said so I know so. Tomorrow. I really really really really really really really really really really really hope tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next. Or the next. Please let it be tomorrow. Or tonight. Tonight would be the best. Right now in fact. Okay. One day. Thank you for listening.